I’m Walking on Sunshine

Today was an unexpectedly nice day, for the most part (weather wise). The girls and I all slept in a little late today, and when we awoke we saw some surprising sunshine. We got through breakfast and I thought that if they were going to endure some wind for the sake of sunshine, I would tag along. Like every other day this past week, I was able to get myself dressed and ready for the day without any assistance. And it STILL feels wonderful to have all of my drains out. I know it seems petty because they were in for such a short period of time, but that small window was open long enough for me to totally dread them.

I still cannot care for our daughters on my own. While there is a growing list of solo “can-do” items as far as caring for them, that list is easily diminished by the lengthy “cannot-yet-do” items. I cannot get them out of their cribs unassisted. One of our daughters is an adventurous, fearless climber. If I put their little step stool in her crib, she can get herself out of it (and she can get herself into it). But that has to occur under the perfect circumstances. She has to have slept well, woken up happy, and be eager to get her adventuring underway very early in the day. That isn’t always the case (surprise, surprise). Our other daughter is much more reserved and cautious, and she prefers to take the traditional route of the crib, which is in someone’s arms. If the planets align and the little ladies are happy to give me a little assist, I can manage changing their diapers. If they decide that they would rather continue running around like insane little people with soiled pants, I couldn’t grab a hold of them and wrangle them into proper diaper changing position. I cannot put them in their car seats, stroller, or booster chairs on my own. I cannot carry, hold, hug, or bathe them. If there were an emergency of some sort, I’d be sacrificing a lot of my recovery and surgical outcome to get them out of the house safely on my own. (I assume that if push came to shove, I could carry them. But I’m sure it would be tremendously painful and short lived. NOW EVERYONE KNOCK ON WOOD. Thank you.)

Back to today; our nanny pushed the girls along in their stroller while I walked along side them into the “village”. We stopped at the toy store for some new, non-princess based books and two free balloons. Then we went to the coffee shop to read said books, play trains, have altercations with other kids and their shitty parents, and then leave in a huff and go to the park for some play. While it was great to be back at the park and playing with my daughters, it was a very strong reminder of the ever-expanding “cannot-yet-do” list. I couldn’t help them onto the swings or a lot of the other toys. I had to wait for our nanny to be available to help each of our girls climb on the playground equipment, and evening pushing the girls while they were on the swings was uncomfortable. I was told to limit the weight that I push/pull during my recovery, but I didn’t think the simple act of pushing a toddler on a swing set was something to avoid. When it was time to leave the park and endure the “I don’t want to leave the park” battle, it was clear that I am medically unfit to duke it out with two toddlers on my own.

It was a great morning/early afternoon, but it was also a wake up call. The reality is that my surgery was a mere 23 days ago. And, while I’m feeling good, I still probably have about 3 weeks of recovering before I can even think about a day of me flying completely solo with the girls for the sake and safety of all of us. I’m really happy with my surgical outcome (despite my continued gripes about my left side swelling) and how well my recovery is going, but it is very challenging to be patient with the body. I am trying, but everyday it is hard.

After mild success (the other night) sleeping with my left arm propped up to try and reduce the discomfort, doing the same thing last night did not produce the same relief. I woke up this morning with more of the same pain with rotation and extension of my left arm. So today I kept it close to my side most of the day and tried to be as cautious as I could with it when we were at the park. I feel like I can’t be too guarded, though, otherwise there will be no change. Of course I have no medical knowledge to base that assumption on, so there is an incredible likelihood that one of my physicians will soon call me an idiot for thinking that being too cautious or guarded is bad.

Other than that, I feel like I have no new complaints and am just at a plateaued period of healing progress. My swelling has not decreased but it isn’t any worse. My sutures in my left flap will not dissolve! Hopefully they are gone next week. I am doing well using an alternating schedule of Tylenol and Ibuprofen during the day to control my pain. These don’t completely resolve my pain, but it’s at a manageable point. I only take my pain medication at night because sleeping still kind of hurts and I try to roll over on my sides, which, surprisingly, still hurts A LOT. One day, in the not so distant future, I will be able to roll over and sleep on my side. In 120 days, hopefully, I will be back to my beloved belly sleeping. Until then…

Daily dose of Dermabond below.