Hold Me (Day 48)

We were back in the pool today with the girls. This evening, again, I have a lot of tightness after swimming lessons. I’m not sure what motion(s) it is when I am in the lessons with the girls that produce the tension in my upper chest and near my shoulders, but it’s a definite indicator that I’m not ready to swim myself.

There are also these two points, one on each side at the top of the breast and just toward the inside (closer to my sternum), where it feels like I have knots under my skin. I think they might be suture points from my reconstruction, but I don’t know. I bring these points up only because whenever I do more activities that involve me moving my arms in circular motions, they seem to stand a little more proud and definitely feel more bothersome at the end of the day. If I run my fingers over them, the area is very tender.

I am just getting ready to do my physical therapy exercises and stretches at the end of the day and am hopeful that they help resolve some of this. I also have a follow up PT appointment tomorrow at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. I’m interested to see what my ROM measurements are after a couple of weeks of doing my PT homework. I definitely feel like I have some improvement, but my ROM still fluctuates with my activity level.

I haven’t gone on a long walk this week because I’ve been helping my husband at his office and have had to be up early and then am getting home late. Having had the pleasure, gift and luxury of mostly being a S@HM for the past 2 years, being back in an office setting for a full day and away from our girls is tough. It’s tough on the girls and it’s tough on me. I don’t know how working parents do it after having such a short period of time to spend with their brand new babes. I miss them and wonder how they’re doing, what they’re doing, and if they’re happy ALL DAY. Today it reminded me how much I hated being in the hospital because I couldn’t see them and missed out on whatever it was they were doing. It was nice to finally come home from the hospital on Day 5 even though I couldn’t hug and squeeze them like I can now. I know that when I have my nipple reconstruction, I’ll have to take it easy again for probably 2 weeks while they (the nipples) are healing and need to be protected. I don’t think my limitations will be anything like my BPM and DIEP flap reconstruction. But, as I’ve said before, I’m a hug junkie for my girls. Even a few hours without a squeeze is too long.

Here’s hoping PT is amazing in some way tomorrow.

Update photos below. RUN WHILE YOU CAN….