Back to the Grill Again

I am more than slightly mortified sitting back at my desk and realizing it’s been so long since I’ve updated my blog.  But, to be honest, there really hasn’t been much to write about these Noobs, which is so fantastic.

Yesterday I went back to my old stomping grounds of the Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery Center at the University of Washington Medical Center so that they could take a second crack at my areolar tattoos.  To briefly revisit, the first time I went in for my tattoos was this past fall.  The procedure was simple, quick, and straightforward, and the Noobs looked so great upon completion.  They had a really nice aesthetic and I left the UWMC feeling like I went from having some nice “Noobs” to “titties”.  It’s amazing what a little color can do to really sell these reconstructed boobies.

Sadly, my skin rejected the pigment and I went from being so pumped about my Noobs to taking a small step back.  As I previously wrote, if something were going to fail in this process, I was more than happy with the tattooing to be the place of the failure.  I’ve been ridiculously fortunate throughout my process to have no complications.   So after enough time for my skin to heal, the holidays to pass, and both of our kids to get through this year’s flu – I was back with Dr. Louie and his lovely staff.

Anne, the PA-C who did my tattoos last time, was there again at the helm with me.  We went through the same set up for sizing the tattoos, she mixed the colors, but before we got started on the tattoos this go-round, she injected my reconstructed nipple sites with lidocaine and epinephrine so that I would bleed less and, hopefully, my skin would be less reactive and take the pigment.  During my last tattooing session, I had no pain or discomfort.  This session was the same, but I suspect that the lidocaine injections masked some of the discomfort I would’ve felt without them.  When I got home, my chest was tender.  I still do not have a lot of sensation in my Noobs.  I have full sensation over my sternum, some on the outsides of the Noobs, but little to none in the center (at the nipple sites).  If I run my hands over the nipple sites, I can feel pressure but no sensation beyond that.  So, it was with great surprise that I had some tenderness after the lidocaine wore off.; it means some of my nerve connections are reestablishing themselves.

I was directed stay bandaged up for 48 hours per my after-care instructions and will unwrap myself tomorrow to see how this round went.  I took pictures of myself before my tattooing and again today.  I needed to update my photos anyway since the last one I posted was in October.  My scars have settled a bit more and lightened.  Unfortunately my reconstructed nipples have flattened out a bit, but that was to be expected.  Dr. Louie and his staff were very clear about the nipple protrusions flattening out.  I still have a bit of a protrusion on my right side, but none at all on my left side.  You’ll see the difference in my photos (below).

My abdominal scar is still just as noticeable and I’ve been asking around about having it covered up with a tattoo.  I don’t hate the abdominal scar; I can definitely live with it.  But the asymmetry of it bothers me every time I look at it.  So I figured if there is something to be done about it, I might as well do it.  But it turns out that tattoo artists aren’t really keen on putting their work over scars because scar tissue is more likely to reject the ink and react (i.e. keloid).  I sent out a Tweet asking for recommendations for Seattle area tattoo artists and only received two.  I have a few more chambered that I wanted to check out as well, so I’ll hopefully have a couple of consults and see if the consensus is that no one wants to tattoo over that big ass scar.

So now I will leave you with my photo updates until the big reveal.  Wish us luck!

Noobs and abdomen (333 days post-op)

02/11/13 – Abd scar, R side

02/11/13 – Abd Scar, L Side

02/11/13 – Areolar tattoos, just home

02/12/13 – Areolar tattoos, Round 2, Healing (24 hours later)

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting! (“Newpples” Day 5)

I am happy to report that things haven’t been any crazier, wilder, busier, or necrotic since my nipple reconstruction and scar revision on Friday.  As I previously posted, I kind of came home, hit the ground running, napped, woke up woozy, repeated.

The past few days I’ve been a little more sore along my abdominal scar.  I’m a little swollen and tender there.  Having to wear pants (because it’s still winter in Seattle) causes a lot of friction and irritation along my scar revision.  Also, the girls have been demanding that I carry them everywhere the past two days, so having 2 toddlers resting on my scar revision sites isn’t helping along Drs. Louie and Liu’s work any.  I’m hoping for the absolute best, but my scar revision, in all honesty, has taken a beating in the past 48 hours.  Bothered as it may be, my level of discomfort is easily managed with Tylenol.

I am still pretty neurotic about my reconstructed nipples (“newpples”).  I open my surgical camisole about 5 times a day to make sure one hasn’t fallen off, isn’t being compressed by a slipped wad of gauze, or something else equally dramatic.  When I was able to take off and change my dressings from the hospital, I was about 0.05 ml short on Crazy and decided I didn’t have to make the new dressings look exactly like the ones I was discharged with. And, in all honesty, I would’ve plowed through all of the supplies they sent me home with just trying to get to something even close to these:

06/25/12 – Newpple protection

 

I have 4 x 4 gauze pads with little holes cut in the middle of them for the newpple to poke through.  I stack those up until they clear the tip of the nip, and then put another (whole) gauze pad over the top and tape it to me.  Then I toss on my surgical camisole for support but not too much constricting force on the tender ninja stars (just wait; you’ll see).

 

06/25/12 – Surgical camisole

 

 

(Advanced warning to those who do not want to witness the gore…it gets pretty intimate and gorey from here onward!  Take your leave now lest your precious eyes be polluted!)

 

 

Mike helped me do the first dressing change and wanted to be there for the big reveal.

 

06/25/12 – Husbandly duties

 

 

 

We were both pleasantly surprised to find that I’d been sent home with two well crafted ninja stars to add to our home defense collection!

06/25/12 – HIYA!

 

Even with the dried blood, scabbing, wild style steri-strips, and stitches, they look like they’ll be damn convincing when all is said and done.  I am certain that until either one of my plastic surgeons say, “You can’t mess them up from here on out”, I won’t relax about them falling off or otherwise failing.  This part of the process has been so intimidating to me!  I am so worried about it because I think that without the sensation of pain (no nerves post-mastectomy), I won’t know immediately if they’re necrotic, injured, infected, et cetera.  So, it oddly is the one time through this whole process I am wishing I were able to feel more pain.  Although, I wonder if I still had some sensation in the nipple reconstructions sites I would still be panicked if I was feeling pain (too much pain?).  Who knows?  I’m a nervous nelly about these things…because they can FALL OFF.  So, I have nothing superbly interesting to post about the newpples, just that they’re coming along and hopefully healing well and never, ever necrotic, infected, or otherwise failing.  Close ups are below.  Avert your eyes if you plan on having sausage soon.

 

 

06/25/12 – Frontal

06/25/12 – Right ninja star

06/25/12 – Left ninja star

06/25/12 – Lipo’d noob

 

Beautiful (Stage 2/Day 3) (But day 102 overrall)

Just to get us all on the same page, this weekend was Seattle’s Gay Pride festival.  I usually get to sneak out for a night on the town with two of my best friends, Drew and Monell, but I was busy recovering and trying not to F up my stage 2 surgery for most of the weekend.  Well, today I snuck out to see my BFFs and a large number of our city’s great gays.  It always warms my heart to see the parents, friends, adoptive families, city, et cetera, out on the city streets supporting our LBGT community.  Even the Seattle Police Department was there showing support for the LGBT community, which is just phenomenal.  And here I am spending some quality time with Drew, with just a touch of sunshine behind us.

Me & Bensen

 

I felt well enough today to face the possible hoarde of people on Capitol Hill. But, luckily, with Bensen and I getting there in the early afternoon,  it was pretty easily to sneak onto a piece of prime real estate, people watch, and just take it easy.  I was out of harm’s way, with a great friend I wanted to lend support and love to, and able to get home on time for dinner.

Today I’m a little more sore than I thought I would be.  I’m definitely having some soreness, but am able to keep my pain under control with just Tylenol.  I am prety swollen and a little bruised on my left side where I had the liposculpting of my noob done.  I am actually wearing an old nursing bra today because my bust is so swollen that the velcro close on my surgical bra will not stay closed.  I took the dressing off of my abdominal incision area when I showered, but I put plastic covers over my noobs because I want to wait until tomorrow morning to take those bandages off and re-apply new dressings.  I was also aching to take off my abdominal gauze because, I think, I’m allergic to the adhesive.  I had little red bumps all over my waistline and they itched like crazy.  Since removing the large gauze patches taped on to my abdomen, my little red bumps have almost completely gone away.

It’s still uncomfortable to wear pants, and the girls have whacked me in the sore spot on my left noob a few dozen times this weekend.  But, as I said before, I’m managing just fine on Tylenol.

I’ll take pictures of the newpples tomorrow when I change my bandages.

06/24/12 – Still bandages on the newppled noobs

 

06/24/12 – Steri strips on L side of abdominal scar revision

06/24/12 – Steri strips on R side of abdominal scar revision

 

06/24/12 – Steri strips on L/Front side of abdominal scar revision

 

 

Tune in Tokyo (Stage 2 / Day 1) (100th Day)

27  years later and this is still funny to me!

Yesterday I had my Stage 2 surgery in which my newpples were constructed, my left noob was liposuctioned down to equal the size of the right, and my abdominal scar was revised.  Being that I have to keep my bandages on until tonight, there wasn’t a whole lot of interesting to see when they discharged me.  But below I will paste pictures of my bandaged up body.

I woke up from anesthesia yesterday and had a headache and a sore throat from being intubated.  When I had my stage 1 surgery, my throat didn’t hurt at all after.  Or maybe it did but that pain so inconsequential compared to the pain from the surgeries that I didn’t even notice it.  Either way, I still have the sore throat today and some muscle soreness around my jaw.

My pain from this surgery is fractional, at most, of what it was for Stage 1.  My scar revision is uncomfortable.  I tried to put on sweat pants today, but the waist band of every pair of pants I have sits right on the incision.  So today I am wearing a loose fitting, comfy dress around.  My left noob, where I had the lip revision done, is sore.  It’s like I’ve taken a dozen or so body shots with only the 4 ounce gloves on.  I’d equate it to minor car accident sore.  Dr. Liu prescribed me some Oxycodone, but I didn’t need to take any of it yesterday.  I was still feeling pretty medicated when I got home, so I just took some Tylenol.  But my abilities post-op are pretty much the same was they were before.  I came home, helped my MIL make the girls’ lunches, did some laundry, tidied up around the house, and then I took a 2 hour nap when the girls took theirs. We all then got up together, I made dinner, gave them their baths, and life as we know it is up and running.

Last night I slept on my wedge pillow again to try and help the fluid drain out of my noobs (they put fluid in and then do the lipo).  I also found that it is uncomfortable to roll over on my left side.  Sleeping on the wedge kind of keeps me from rolling on my side because I feel like I’m falling off the bed when I reach the edge of the wedge.

I have some discomfort trying to pick up the girls, in both my upper and lower body.  My upper body is doubly sore because of the KILLER upper body workout I had with my trainer on Thursday morning.  We did so many sets of curls, tricep work, presses, etc. that I can’t tell if my muscles that engage my arms for movement are sore more from surgery or the workout.  The girls always want to wrap their legs around my waist when I carry them, with their legs sitting right on where my scar revision was done.  So, I have had them ride on my back on trips up or down the stairs today instead of carrying them like I normally would.  I have two weeks of healing, which should fly by since I’m still going to be doing what we normall do as a family.  My MIL left for home this morning since I’m not incapacitated like I was before.  It was great to have her here to help, but I’m sure that it must seem odd to her that we asked for help when I’m up and running.  But, that’s what the unknown is all about for me today; being prepared for the worst and getting something much better instead!

It was nice to see Drs. Louie and Liu again yesterday.  It’s funny having two people play such a big role in my life in really condensed times together.  Dr. Liu told me that he’s leaving Seattle soon after taking a job in Chicago.  I’m sure his family is probably looking forward to actually having a summer there, and his new position is probably phenomenally exciting, but it’s been very nice to have him as one of my surgeons.  I’ve really been spoiled as a patient with so much access to a treating physician’s mind during times of worry, healing, and build-up for another procedure.  It’s taken so much worry and fear out of this process for me knowing that I had him as a resource.  I’m sure his patients at his new practice will be just as taken with him.

I wanted to say thank you to my friends, family, AND physicians for taking such great care of me!  Tomorrow I will post pics of my super newpples when I get my bandages off.  Let’s all hope for something smaller than sausage nipples, but I know that they have a lot of shrinking to do before they’re settled.

Now’s your chance to run . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stage 2/Day 1! Frontal

 

Stage 2/Day 1! R side

Stage 2/Day 1! L side

 

Stage 2/Day 1! Leaky Lipo noob

 

And the music video I included for this post is NSFW and probably offensive if you’re offended by swearing, strippers, or the like. Being that I was born and raised in Las Vegas, there isn’t a lot that I find offensive.  But it’s one song about boobies.  So, as my sister Alyssa would say, “WATCH OUT!”.

 

 

 

Closer to Fine (Day 97)

I have started and re-started this post several times since my last post.  Blogging is hard when you’re going nuts.  Sometimes the hours, minutes, days, or weeks just meld into one big crazy.  This weekend we had a family emergency/scare.  My mom, who lives in Las Vegas with my sister Tessa, was home alone cleaning the blinds, or something equally weird, on top of a ladder.  She fell off of the ladder (!) and broke her shoulder, arm, maybe her elbow, and fibula.  She has been in the hospital all weekend, and yesterday she had surgery to put a plate and some screws in her arm.  She is doing better, but what a scare.   I inherited the uncanny ability to suffer self inflicted injuries in crazy circumstances from our mom. So what exactly she thought would come of being at the top of the ladder, at the top of a staircase, by herself is a mystery to us all.  But we’re glad that she’s alive and recovering in the semi-comfort of a good hospital in LV.  My aunt Robin, my mom’s sister, is also in the hospital after being rear ended yesterday afternoon.  I haven’t spoken with my Uncle this morning, but I’m hoping that Robin is doing better and at home.

So, it seems that me going in for surgery on Friday will complete the “It comes in 3’s” circle (hope, hope, hope).  I am a little bit more anxious this week with the surgery in my sights.  I’m not nervous about the surgery; I’m nervous about getting our house in order before Friday, completing my errands, and stocking the fridge/freezer.  My MIL, Irene, arrives Thursday night to take care of the girls (and Mike) while I’m in the hospital on Friday, but then it’s back to just the 4 of us on the weekend.  I’m hopeful that this “minor” reworking doesn’t slow me down too much.  I’m basically getting the weekend to recover, and then we’re back in full swing with life and the girls’ activities come Monday.  I’ve not yet had a “meltdown”, but I definitely feel like I’m running out of time before the newpples land.

People respond differently to stressful situations; it’s part of who we are.  My response, learned from our dad, is to do something – ANYTHING other than just get in the hamster wheel and run in circles.  I guess that’s why I’m trying to knock out 1,000 hours of projects, errands, and preparation in 168 hours’ time.  I learned from my Stage 1 bilateral mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction process that I am more afraid of the unknown than pain.  Pain can be treated.  When there’s a bunch of unknowns in my future (recovery time, outcome, physical limitations, etc.), I feel like I need to over prepare for the worst.  I guess I’m a pessimist in that manner; I expect and prepare for the worst.  Luckily, in such situations,  my husband is an optomist.  This works out well for our family because it usually means that only one of us is losing our mental capacity at a time.

Speaking of working out, I’m in my last week of post-op-pre-op workouts.  Yesterday, I made 15 horrific attempts at pull-ups, completing only one full pull up.  It was a total bummer, but it gives me something to set my sights on once I’m done with medically prescribed taking it easy. I only have to take 2 weeks off of physical activity, but then I have to limit my work outs until my newpples are settled in.

“If you can’t fly, then run.  If you can’t run, then walk.  If you can’t walk, then crawl.  But whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

 

 

 

So, here I am getting closer to being finished and fine…

 

06/18/12 – Frontal

06/18/12 – Noobs

 

06/18/12 – Abd. Scar, left side

 

06/18/12 – Abd. Scar, right side

 

Inserting a bit of prosthetic humor, if you will…

 

06/18/12 – Wonky newpples

 

Almost Total Recall.

06/18/12 – Wonky newpples 2

 

This is where they were ~10 years ago, before they decided to move south…

06/18/12 – Wonky newpples 3

 

 

Think(ing) About It – Day 76

So the countdown for the next phase is underway.  Wish as I might, this is not the final countdown.  After I have my “newpples” manufactured , I’ll need to have areolae tattoos done once they (newpples) are healed.  I’m hopeful that will then be the end of my journey, but I know myself to be overly optimistic (if that is what you would call it) about these things.  I’d liken it to when my husband and I thought we could survive our first week (and beyond) with newborn twins without any support or help from friends, family, or a doula.  Or like how I thought I would somehow set a world record of sorts and recover from my bilateral mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction in 4 weeks (I mean fully recover).  So while you may read this and think, “Aaaah, so she knows better NOW!”, I do not.  I’m hoping that my loss of sensation due to the mastectomy will equal very little (if any) pain.  While I don’t know how much healing time freshly manufactured nipples require, I don’t foresee myself being as drained and exhausted as I was when I underwent my stage one surgeries.

Drs. Louie and Liu seemed to be of the same mind about my recovery time frame this go round when we had my follow-up/pre-op appointment.   The part that is driving me a little crazy is the evening out that needs to go on with my noobs and my abdominal scar revision.  My left one is fuller and bigger than the right, so the left noob will be lipo-sculpted (maybe?) so that it is closer to the size and shape of the right one.  I watch not a lot, but enough, reality television to know that liposuction is a mutha.  But I’m not having the last 20 years’ carbohydrates vacuumed out of me (’cause that shit doesn’t happen free of charge); just the last quarter’s excess noob. As for my abdominal scar, the corners are a bit puckered and dark.  I think Dr. Louie will do an abdominal scar revision to try to and improve the aesthetic of those areas and not much else.

As I told Drs. Javid, Louie and Liu (and anyone else who will listen, read, endure), I have had a really easy and excellent process so far.  Writing that and saying it makes me feel like I’m jinxing myself and something truly horrid will arrive at my feet (triple nipple, anyone?).  But, I have to air it out.  What I did learn after going through stage 1 is that talking about these feelings, neuroses, thoughts, et cetera really takes the fear out of the unknown.  So, thank you for enduring all of my Stage 1 crazy.  I will now shut up about it.  Strap yourself in for endless (well, like every 48-72 hours) babbling about newpples, areaolae, the triple nipple and the unforeseeable nooby future!

 

 

 

You know what is foreseeable?  THIS…

 

 

 

05/28/12 – Flaps

05/28/12 – L flap

05/28/12 – R flap

05/28/12 – Abdominal scar

05/28/12 – L side of abdominal scar

05/28/12 – R side of abdominal scar

 

 

 

 

 

No Sleep Till…(Day 63)

I was all ready to blow up this ish last night with a new blog post…and then ALL of our utilities were on the fritz and conspired against my new blog post.  There were several times during last night and very early this morning when nothing in this house was working; no water, power, phone, internet, magic box.  So, no blog post yesterday but nothing Earth shattering happened.

Yesterday I had another workout with Paul.  Since my physical therapy re-check wasn’t until today (after my workout), he took it easy on my upper body so I wouldn’t be super sore at my PT appointment today.  The obvious conclusion is that my lower body is now stiff as a board and creaky today.  I have always had pretty strong legs, but I felt like I really dialed in my leg strength and muscle tone before my surgery because I was preparing for being unable to use my upper body for strength, balance or anything really post-op.  So trying to get back to where I was before surgery now is really hard.  My balance, strength, endurance, and cardio feel so lame right now.  I knew well beforehand that I was going to have a long way to recovery, but I did (and still do) expected more of myself, I guess.  I just wanted so badly to not have to work this hard to get back to me.  I hoped/thought/demanded it would be easier and faster because I am unreasonable impatient and eager to move on with life.  I guess it’s better than being where I worried I might end up post-op, which was deep in self-image depression.  But, luckily, I had none of that.

Today my physical therapy appointment was ho-hum.  I gained about 15 degrees of motion on my left side since my last appointment, and I was given a few exercises to do over the next two weeks with only 1 or 2 lbs of weight added to start building my strength back up.  2 lbs doesn’t seem like much when I’m hauling our almost 30 lbs daughters around.  But it feels significant in different positions or while going through certain exercises.

Tomorrow…whew.  Tomorrow I have a busy day.  I have to see my breast oncologist at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance for (hopefully) my last visit to a breast oncologist EVER.  How exciting is that?  But after that I have to go into work for the rest of the day and (at some point later on), I need to make dinner for us and a couple of dinner guests, clean up, and pack us up for Vegas to see my family on Friday!  This will be the first time we’re going on an airplane together as a family.  We leave on Friday morning, so send me all of your good-traveling-juju and sage advice about being on planes with toddlers.  Please and thank you!

 

And now…

 

 

 

05/16/12 – Frontal

05/16/12 – Flaps

05/16/12 – Left

05/16/12 – Right

05/16/12 – Abdominal scar

 

Wheelz of Steel (08 May 2012 = Day 55!)

So…I didn’t post yesterday.  With being back at work, getting back into my “physical” routine, and being pretty far along in my healing – my days aren’t very “content rich” for the intended audience of this blog.  Which is good news for me, but this far into my recovery it isn’t really “newsworthy”.

I feel pretty good 90% of the day.  There is a lot that I can do today that I couldn’t do two weeks ago.  There was a lot that I did last week that I couldn’t do the prior month.  A lot of these things I am able to do pain free or almost pain free.  It requires something really unexpected and jarring, or something intended to challenge me, to produce a pain response.  Interacting with our daughters often produces this set of circumstances because twin toddlers are innately wild, spontaneous, rough and fun.  So, while I have had a few incidences of pain in my days lately, they’re not the norm.

Discomfort is something that is part of my nights.  Things like poor posture, really pushing myself with my PT stretches or exercises, really aggressive play (usually tossing the girls up in the air), and weight lifting cause me discomfort in the evenings.  It (discomfort) doesn’t occur anywhere new or unexpected, and it is waning.  I still also cannot sleep on my left side.  A combination of having more swelling on my left side (still) and tender spots prevent me from staying on that side of my body for any extent of time.  This doesn’t really interfere with my life.  It interferes with my desire to be the big spoon when it’s spooning time at night (but so does my husband’s pride).

The newsworthy item that I have tonight is that I rode my bike to and from the office (a/k/a my own “wheelz of steel”).  It’s been a long time since I was last on my bike because Seattle’s winter drizzle is endless and I am mostly a fair weather cyclist/runner/fan/human.  But it was mostly significant because I previously had pain in my underarms and underneath my flaps post-op whenever I put pressure or weight down on my hands for a length of time.  Being that I am not an avid cyclist and still push down on my handlebars a lot, I thought I’d be uncomfortable on this ride.  Gladly, I had no pain in my upper body.  My abdominal incision scar is a little tender tonight.  Since there are still some parts of my scar that are pretty taut, any activity that involves a lot of repetitive flexion and extension of my legs really aggravates my scar.  The flexion/extension sort of stretches out my abdominal region, then area around my scar and surrounding it becomes hyper sensitive and tender, but usually settles down after a day or two.  The scar tissue on my right side is always more tender than the left, and I think that is because that part of my scar is higher and sets right where my pants rub it whenever I move.

Tomorrow, I may have shed some tears.  I’m back at the gym with Paul tomorrow and I think we’re going to try some more strength training.  I’ve lost a lot of muscle mass, tone, definition…existence.  I’m so glad that I went into my surgery so healthy.  I can’t emphasize enough what a difference this made in my recovery.  And I can’t image doing that first 10 days of recovery, just trying to get myself out of bed and ambulate, being unhealthy.  This process asks a lot of your body and is so taxing physically, mentally, and emotionally.  So, if you plan on having this surgery I think it’d be greatly beneficial to your own recovery if you could go into surgery as healthy as you can be.

 

And now, shield your eyes or rubberneck away.  YOU DECIDE!

 

 

05/08/12 – Frontal

05/08/12 – Flaps

05/08/12 – Abdomen

05/08/12 – Right

 

05/08/12 – Left