Oh man, I can’t believe that I’m at day 89.  In so many ways it feels like that is such a big number to be post-op from stage 1.  In other ways, it feels like my Stage 1 surgery wasn’t so long ago.  But, here I am, nearly 2 weeks from my last blog post, and so much has happened in life.

We took our girls for their first airplane adventure and had a very mini, my-side-of-the-family reunion in Las Vegas.  I was born and raised in Las Vegas.  My mom, two out of three sisters, and our brother still live there.  My Grandma, who spent a lot of time dealing with us in our prime-pain-in-the-ass-kids time moved away about 13 years ago and I hadn’t seen her since.  Well, Grandma managed to hitch a ride back to Vegas with her brother for a few weeks, and it was our shot to get all of the great grand kids together in one place for a weekend to see our Grandma.  It was fantastic, bittersweet, and much too brief.

4 Generations

We came home on a high note, and it just sank in how precious little time we have with our loved ones.  After every visit with our extended families, I think about how much more comforting the days must be for people who are surrounded by their parents and siblings.  It is difficult to explain, and even sometimes understand, why the love and comfort of family is so different from that of friends.  I don’t know how to explain it to anyone else, I just know that it feels SO good and, when we’re all together, I feel whole.

Anyway, we came back home and it seems like the pace of life increased exponentially and the projects just keep cascading one on top of another.  Our girls just started going to preschool 1 day a week.  It’s a huge change for all of us.  But mostly me.  I am trying to overcome my helicopter mom extraordinaire nature, and I’m also trying to work P/T from home.  So, while I would love to keep these little lovelies all to myself, I realize (and appreciate) the lunacy in such a scenario.  It’s also helpful to have a full 6 hours to focus just on work.  Whether that be work to be done for an employer or work around the house, it must be done.  And 6 hours is really no time at all when it comes down to it.  Just as quickly as those 6 hours have gone by the past two weeks, the time before my next surgery is quickly falling through the hour glass.

Stage 2&3 surgery is on June 22.  I’ll be rocking some baby carrot sized, newly minted nipples for a few months until they settle and shrink down.  After that, I will have to wait until my “newpples” are healed and settled, then we move on to areolar tattooing.  These last few stages pale in comparison as far as pre-surgery anxiety to my Stage 1.  Occassionally I go back through this blog to see how I’ve progressed and just reflect on this experience.  I was so incredibly afraid of the unknown.  Nothing that I read back then and nothing that anyone told me eased my fears.  I also think it is so interesting how I was so worried about “losing” my natural breasts and having the noobs.  While the loss of sensation is a bummer, I don’t have any of the feelings of loss I thought I would.  I was worried about my husband not looking at me or my body the same; I was worried about how this body would feel to me with the lack of sensation in my breasts; and, I was worried about the aesthetic result of my reconstruction.  With all of these things constantly fluttering around in my mind, I was my own worst enemy most nights.  As it turns out, all of these worries were, mostly, for naught.  I do get a little sad that when I hug someone, it feels like there is a balloon or a large pillow between us.  Like there’s an embrace but with a little bit of a gap between me and my hugger. And these noobs look great.  They’re still a work in progress, but they’re great.  So this time around I’m not worried about any losses, the aesthetic, anesthesia, or the care of my family.  I’m going in feeling strong and looking forward to be moving towards finality of this process.

Speaking of feeling strong, I just wanted to let other women simularly situated know that I am back at the gym with my trainer just a smidge away from full force.  In the past few weeks I’ve done box jumps, ran stairs, lifted heavy weights, and today I finally got to do a little bit of boxing.  My trainer and I are both mindful of how I’m feeling and whether getting back to these things is causing me discomfort or causing me pain.  And while getting back into shape is typically a pain in the (flabby) ass, I’m not having any pain directly related to or involved with my surgical sites.  I am going to keep at it for the next two weeks before I have to, again, reduce and modify my activities – but for the moment, it’s on.

AHOY!

06/07/12 – Frontal

06/07/12 – Flaps

06/07/12 – Abdominal scar

06/07/12 – Left side

06/07/12 – Right side